Valentine's Day is the Day to Love Yourself.

Well here we are again. Valentine’s Day. It’s the international day of “love”.  And if you believe the commercials on television, it can only be expressed through flowers, chocolates and diamonds.

This is my 26th Valentine’s Day as a mom. I’m not going to lie, I used to love it when my kids made me special valentines at school; hearts cut out of doilies and red construction paper. But those days are over and now my kids just ask for money and the Mom Über (Müber).

Over the last 26 years of being a mom on Valentine’s Day, I’ve been single, dating and married. I totally understand why some women get really wrapped up in the importance of the day. Who doesn’t want to feel loved and appreciated? Especially a mom.

But being a middle-aged woman gives you lots of perspective so here’s mine.

When I was single, Valentine’s Day felt like an exclusive party that I wasn’t invited to.  It was typically the one day out of the year that I picked myself apart, ate too much and watched movies that made me cry (In that order). Of course, I’d put the kids to bed first. But while I always put a little box of heart-shaped chocolates on the table for each kid the night before, the empty space at my chair was a reminder of the fact that nobody wanted to be with me. Pretty dramatic, right?

Valentine’s Day was created for people who are dating. That’s the day to have the flowers delivered to the office for everyone to admire, have the reservations at the best restaurant, hand her the small box with the jewellery in it and have the best sex of the year. People who are dating make V-Day the day that the single people hate. But the truth is, this can be so stressful for people who think the day has to be perfect. Finding the right dress, shaving your legs, doing your hair, finding a babysitter…the struggle is real.

Being married on Valentine’s Day is pretty funny. At the beginning of our marriage, we celebrated. At this moment I’m wearing a diamond necklace that my hubs gave me on our first Valentine’s Day. But here’s the thing: now that we’re married, we’re just tired. Going out for dinner seems like a late night. I have enough jewellery. He doesn’t have to try to woo me to get me to sleep with him anymore. We love each other enough to know that if I want flowers, I’ll go out and get them. Plus, the kids. In fact, this year our son has hockey practice at 9:30pm so I’ll be asleep by the time they get home.

So what’s my perspective on Valentine’s Day? It’s that the entire day is based on YOUR perspective. If you’re feeling sorry for yourself, consider this:

We made it to the year 2018, ladies. If you want to feel loved, shut your bedroom door and “love” yourself. If you want to feel appreciated, write yourself a love letter.  Eat and drink what you want. Love who you want, when you want.

Life is stressful enough. Love shouldn’t be. Especially when it comes to loving yourself.


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Joanne Ilaqua - CEO of MamaSoup

Hey there, I’m Joanne.

I’ve spent about 20 years serving women as a nurse, doula and Lamaze educator. I have 4 kids and I know firsthand how lonely and isolating motherhood can be, so I created MamaSoup. I'm mostly known for my love of red wine, spontaneously singing and my confidence in being my true self on social media. When I’m not busy building women up, you can catch me taking Instagram stories of my bulldog Ruby, watching The Handmaid’s Tale, playing MUber (Mom Uber) to my kids or vacationing in my favourite town: Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

I love serving the world by providing a space for moms to connect and support each other. In my opinion, moms are the backbone of communities because they are (literally) raising the future!

As the founder and CEO of MamaSoup, I’ve been featured on CHEX TV Morning Show, KawarthaNOW, Economic Development- The City of Kawartha Lakes and MyKawartha.

Still with me? Join me over at MamaSoup to keep the conversation going!

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