The Illusion of Perfection is Ruining Motherhood.
Ahhhh, social media.
Like most moms I use it every day to catch up with my friends, find new recipes and see what’s up in my neighbourhood. I can see what’s going on with my family from far away, check out my friends’ kids/grandkids/fur babies and I can feel connected to their joy and happiness. There may have even been times where I’ve looked up my old boyfriends to see how horribly they’ve aged. Yup, I use social media and (for the most part) I love it. I guess you could say I love it so much that I now have my own social media app.
So, here’s the thing- sometimes I find myself scrolling and feeling really crappy. Like, really, REALLY shitty.
Sometimes my feeds are full of:
- Political memes and opinions that make me angry.
- Videos of people being shot to death by the police (I STILL can’t believe that Facebook will allow videos of people being killed to be shared but not an image of a mother breastfeeding. Mind blowing.)
- The ridiculously staged feed of "InstaMommy".
I know I’m not the only one who gets sucked into the unrealistic pressures that social media places on women, particularly moms. You know what I’m talking about, right? The mom who’s doing push-ups with a toddler on her back, full hair and make-up in Lululemon while a perfectly foamy cappuccino sits in the forefront. Sometimes I can’t wrap my head around it… between her clean house and her super-tight body, how does she have time for making special coffee? Does she live with her photographer? Why doesn’t her kid have a snotty nose or a dirty shirt? Why isn't that kid whining? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??
When I see a mom who seems to have it together like InstaMommy, I feel a little bad about myself for a minute. It’s hard not to- currently, my kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it, my kid took a bun with ketchup for his school lunch and I may fit in some squats later when I look under the couch for the tv remotes. Again.
Don’t get me wrong- this isn’t about mommy-shaming the fit, clean-eating moms out there. It’s not about that at all. In fact, I find you inspirational! This is only about the fact that so many moms are fabricating their social media profiles to be “perfect”. Deep down, we all know it’s just not true, even if we doubt ourselves for a minute. And it’s really damaging for new moms who are having a tough time adjusting to the demands of motherhood. Or moms of teenagers who are battling drug addiction. Or moms who are having marital problems.
Because at the end of the day, if you’re a mom you’re a woman with problems. Let’s stop pretending this is the easiest and most rewarding job in the world all the time and start talking about how tough it can be. Let’s celebrate the ups and downs of motherhood with other women who know what's up. For real.
If you want to be part of an online community that supports real moms, check out my app: Mamasoup
Joanne Ilaqua - CEO of MamaSoup
Hey there, I’m Joanne.
I’ve spent about 20 years serving women as a nurse, doula and Lamaze educator. I have 4 kids and I know firsthand how lonely and isolating motherhood can be, so I created MamaSoup. I'm mostly known for my love of red wine, spontaneously singing and my confidence in being my true self on social media. When I’m not busy building women up, you can catch me taking Instagram stories of my bulldog Ruby, watching The Handmaid’s Tale, playing MUber (Mom Uber) to my kids or vacationing in my favourite town: Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
I love serving the world by providing a space for moms to connect and support each other. In my opinion, moms are the backbone of communities because they are (literally) raising the future!
As the founder and CEO of MamaSoup, I’ve been featured on CHEX TV Morning Show, KawarthaNOW, Economic Development- The City of Kawartha Lakes and MyKawartha.
Still with me? Join me over at MamaSoup to keep the conversation going!